I mean it.
Your stuff probably sucks.
Don’t worry, mine does too. If my high school English teacher read this, she would cringe.
My writing voice is very strong. I say stuff that pisses people off. God bless auto-correct or my articles would be filled with typos. Yet you won’t be able to take your eyes off this post. Here’s why…
You’ve Been Lied To: Writers Are Born
Hold on a minute…
Did you actually think you could get better at writing by PRACTICING?
“Write a lot. Read a lot.” — Stephen King
And you believe that?
Sure everyone can string two words together.
“Porcupine” + “Pie” = PorcupinePie
Yuppi! I’ve stringed — strung? — two words together.
Am I a writer now?
Yes, a bad one.
If I stringed — strung? — a million words together, would it make me a better writer?
Hm… My prose would be better for sure but I’d still be a terrible writer. (I’ll tell you why in a little bit.)
When it comes to reading…
Let me introduce you to Sarah Weinman.
She’s a superhuman.
In 2008, she read 462 books. No, that’s no typo, she read through 462 full books.
Not by speed reading the Tim Ferris way. She read multiple fiction books a day, page by page, and could remember everything that happened in the story after reading it.
Now, for banter, if you were able to achieve just half of that — 231 books — in a year, would it make you a great writer?
No.
It would make you a great reader.
Sure, you would have more ideas for stories and be able to string fancier words together but you’d still be a terrible writer.
Think about this, if reading and writing made you a better writer, why aren’t you a millionaire? You’ve read all the posts on Medium with the headline: “How I made 7-figures writing one post a year on Medium…” or “What I did to make $100k in a day…”
And I bet you’re writing 1000 words like everyone tells you to do.
Where are your millions, uh? Are you making Jeff Bezos-level money yet?
I guess not — unless you’re reading this Jeff… I’m sorry you split with Mackenzie. Hope you’re enjoying your new MILF, I mean, girlfriend.
Who Am I To Say You’re A Terrible Writer?
I’m just as bad as you. English is not even my first language.
Yet here you are, two or three minutes deep into this post, and you’re still reading.
I guess you didn’t catch on to the point of this post, did you?
That’s why you’re a terrible writer…
HINT: Your writing is doll.
People come out of reading your stuff, and they’re like, ‘That was OK…’
Well, dear writer, it was not OK. People have to read your stories and either want to knock at your door with pitchforks and torches or show up in lingerie ready to get “things” going.
In the age of content, writing doll stuff means death. Be controversial. Piss people off. Say some dumb stuff — like I do in this post.
As long as you’re fairly honest, you’ll be better than good.
There’s this relatively unknown rapper called Drake.
He says:
If you ain’t got no haters, you ain’t popping…
The opposite is also true, if you ain’t got no lovers, you ain’t popping.
Don’t take that out of context.
Sissy-boy Writers Are Broke Writers…
There’s this myth that writers are introverts.
I’m against that with all my heart. Introversion and extroversion depend on context. Most people are introverts with strangers but extroverts with friends and family.
Regardless, that myth has given some writers the false belief that it’s OK to stay in their own shell, and aim to be the person who's successful in the shadows.
Growing up I always wanted to be rich but not flamboyant rich. I wanted to be that chill neighbor with a cool car, a cool girlfriend and a cool house. You know he’s rich but can’t tell how much.
Like a lot of writers I didn’t want to be on talk shows, or be criticized on social media.
I have that fear till this day, in fact I’m writing this under a pen name — I already told you I’m a terrible writer so don’t get all “Who’s he to judge me!” now.
Neither you nor I can afford that.
It’s time to put ourselves out there, stand for something. Have an opinion. I’m doing so with this post.
For example, I don’t think H.P. Lovecraft was as good as a writer as everyone thinks…
Although his actions were evil and despicable, you can’t deny what Hitler did is scaringly remarkable…
Trump wasn’t the best president but provided some of the best entertainment of the past 4 years — and we didn’t have to pay a monthly subscription for it…
I believe there’s a large but finite amount of success in the world. The more you take for yourself, the more you’re taking from others…
Opinions, dear writer. Opinions.
You either start putting them out there or change career, you ain’t lasting long in this one anyway.
